Top 10 Signs Your Kids Have a Wii Addiction

10. Your son volunteers to do the laundry, wash the car, bathe the dog, clean his room, and wash the dishes so that he can earn enough money to buy another Wii game and that he will apparently just die if he doesn’t get it TODAY.

9. Three mornings in a row your daughter tells you that her dream involved some version of getting lost in a new world, but then getting an extra life for finding the hidden flowers.

8. Your son comments that his Toaster Strudels remind him of goombas.

you see it too, right?

7. Your daughter starts bartering for more Wii time (“If I read for 45 minutes today instead of just the 30 minutes I usually read, then do you think that I can also get an extra 15 minutes doing Wii bowling?)

6. Your kids hear that you are planning a week long vacation on the coast of Nova Scotia, they ask in unison, “Can we bring the Wii?”

5. Your son thinks that because he has won the title of The Next American Idol on the Wii, like 10 times now, he could SO win the real thing too.

4. You get up at 2:27 in the morning for a glass of water and find both of your kids out of bed playing Mario Cart with the sound muted so they don’t wake anyone up. When you calmly ask “What the…????” your son tells you he just couldn’t sleep and he thought a quick game would help. And then he tells you that because he couldn’t sleep, he went ahead and woke up his sister for some company.

3. You take the kids bowling and they are surprised at how throwing a REAL ball toward the pins requires considerably more skill than Wii Bowling, however their bowling stance is NEAR PERFECT.

2. Your 9 year old tells you that this might be a good time to buy Nintendo stock because he plans on spending all of his birthday money and allowance on every single Super Mario Brothers game ever made.

1. You have to go buy a HEATING PAD and ICY HOT because your son’s neck is so sore from playing Super Paper Mario. You think it just might be because he prefers to play this particular game like this:

Innocence Lost

So the homework was done, dinner was cooking, and I sent the kids outside to catch a few moments of non-rainy fresh air.

Do you remember that little hand-clapping game we would play as kids - Miss Mary Mack? Somehow Miss Mary Mack (mack, mack, mack) is still all dressed in black (black, black, black), and she still has silver buttons (buttons, buttons, buttons) all down her back (back, back, back).

But there is a new character on the hand-clapping, sing-song circuit. BARNEY!

(hit play on the video below)

For those of you who may not want to play the video for whatever reason (maybe you are at work, or maybe the baby just finally got to sleep, or maybe the kids are already home for summer vacation and SpongeBob is turned up so loud that you wouldn't be able to hear the darn thing anyway), I've written down the words to the latest in elementary school top 40:

Mama, Mama, can’t you see
Clap, clap
Clap, clap, clap
What this baby’s done to me
Clap, clap
Clap, clap, clap
Took away my mp3
Clap, clap
Clap, clap, clap
Now I’m stuck with dumb Barney
Clap, clap
Clap, clap, clap
Mommy called the doctor and the doctor said
Clap, clap
Clap, clap, clap
Oops – Barney’s dead
Clap, clap
Clap, clap, clap
Shot in the head
Clap, clap
Clap, clap, clap
Barney was shot by G.I. Joe
Clap, clap
Clap, clap, clap
Up and down, high and low
Clap, clap
Clap, clap, clap
Barney was shot by G.I. Joe
Clap, clap
Clap, clap, clap
Tic, tac, toe - three in a row
Clap, clap
Clap, clap, clap
Barney was shot by G.I. Joe
Clap, clap
Clap, clap, clap

Do We Really Need to Party?

Ugh.

Tomorrow is Sabrina's birthday. She will be 7 years old. Since February she has been talking about her birthday as if turning seven is the absolute highlight of her entire existence. And I suppose to a six year old, it is.

But here's the deal.

Both of my kids have June birthdays. Back in Texas, this was totally cool because we had a giant swimming pool at our disposal, and we combined Dalton and Sabrina's party into one giant fun fest and everyone was happy.

There were tons of kids, ton of friends, tons of cake. You could not ask for a better party.

But guys. Here, well, here, we do not have a pool. We have lots of grass and a fairly big house, but I am not really one of those parents that can corral a bunch of kids into playing lots of good wholesome party games. I have friends that are complete naturals at this, and actually seem to get a kick out of this particular type of chaos. I am not one of those people. And now these kids are at the "Drop-off" age for birthday parties, and ya know, I just don't think there are enough margaritas in the world to get me through two hours of screaming seven year old girls. As much as I love my daughter, I just can't do it.

And good luck finding a pinata up here anyway.

So.

In April I started casually tossing birthday party ideas to Sabrina. How about the Art Museum? Yawn. Bowling Alley party? Nah. American Girl store? Nope. Build-a-Bear? Uh-uh.

Then she tells me that she has the perfect idea:

This to me is a whole new level of torture. Bad pizza. Disgusting germs covering all of those games. Just the thought of the noise level alone is enough to make me want to hide in my car and chain smoke.

Two weeks ago she changed her mind and decided that she didn't want the Rat from Hell to sing her "Happy Birthday" after all. (Whew!)

And now we are back to square one.

How badly will do you think she be traumatized if we just skip the whole party thing this year? Should I double-up my future therapy fund contributions?

File This One Under "Too Cute!"

My sweet Sabrina (age 6, but 7 next month!) has been boy crazy since birth. Her first love was Parker, a cutie-patootie on her big brother's soccer team:

Sadly, Sabrina soon realized that the age difference was just too much to overcome (that 2 years is huge!) and that Parker was her brother's friend, not hers.

All through kindergarten Sabrina was smitten with a boy named Davis (I don't have a picture, but trust me - he was cuter than bug's ears!). Every day she wanted to wear an orange shirt because she heard Davis say once that orange was his favorite color. She was just beside herself whenever the teacher lined them up alphabetically since they both have last names that start with C. And when she found out we were moving, she wrote him a long good-bye letter in a way that only a five year old can (i.e. lots of hearts and flowers) and included our forwarding address. For weeks after we got to Massachusetts she would ask me, "Did Davis send me anything?" Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. Nothing today.

After a while she forced herself into finding a new object of affection.

And his name is Mark.

But first, I guess she had to "cleanse" herself of her old flame (I found this in the art supplies closet).

It says: "People I Love (signified by a heart) Davis I liked but now I moved on"

Notice all the skulls and crossbones, along with the heart? I think that sums up her feelings perfectly.

Since Christmas, Sabrina's social life at school has revolved around Mark. I get to hear all about what Mark had for lunch (he really likes goldfish crackers), who he played with on the playground (mostly other boys, because, according to Sabrina, Mark still thinks girls are kind of icky), and how often he gets in trouble (alot).

The few times I have been to Sabrina's class to volunteer for this or that, I've kept my eye on this Mark boy to see if he is indeed worthy of my little girl's heart. Sadly, he seems pretty oblivious to her existence.

It seems Sabrina is determined to get her heart broken at least a dozen times before she turns 16. But I can't help admiring how she keeps picking herself up, deciding on what she wants, and then going for it with all her heart.

It says, "I think we are going to be best friends."

You GO, girl.