Monday, October 18, 2010

A Pregnant Pause

So when I last blogged I was just a little bit pregnant. I won’t keep you in suspense – On May 28th I had a beautiful sparkling little baby girl – Bella Rose.

I know some of you are wondering why I have been so silent. Some of it was because it was a rough pregnancy. It felt like I had every complication in the book – 16 weeks of “modified” rest (no lifting, no exercising, no stress, no anything) because of a pesky little subchorionic hematoma. Once that resolved itself, I was told my placenta was too low. Then, I became borderline diabetic. And anemic. And then there was that week where my amniotic fluid went dangerously low. To top it all off, at the very end, my blood pressure sky rocketed. And when I finally went into labor, it went on and on and on. We are talking “oh my dear Lord the baby is coming NOW” contractions every five minutes for 38 HOURS. Not exactly a picnic in the park.

But here is the real reason for my blogosphere absence - through it all, I felt like if I even whispered anything other than a prayer, I would jinx the whole thing. That if I rejoiced in the good news, or wallowed in the bad, somehow I would mess it up. So I tried to make myself as small as possible (which, now that I think of it, is kinda ironic considering my body exploded with this pregnancy – I was in desperate need for maternity clothes by the time I was 10 weeks along). So much of the time I feel like my life has turned out so much more than perfect , so much more full of happiness than I could think of asking for, that I spent a good part of the pregnancy waiting for karma to come and find me. I know that this is whole big giant bag of magical thinking, but I hid myself away just the same.

Now Bella is a whopping four months old. She is absolutely perfect in every way. There are times when I am overwhelmed with the reality of being a mother to a new baby, an eight year old, and a ten year old; but there also times when I am overcome with pure joy at it all (this usually occurs when they are all nicely tucked in bed, sleeping soundly, and the dinner dishes are done).

So, autumn is here and the falling leaves and brisk air are nudging me outward – it’s time to unwrap myself from the little cocoon I’ve built around myself and see what’s been happening.

Hello again!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Come Sail Away...

So I have figured out that these early days of pregnancy are a whole lot like being on a cruise.

By this I mean that I spend nearly every waking hour either throwing up or wanting to throw up, and at the same time wondering what's for dinner (and is it too soon to have a snack?).

Then there is the accompanying feeling of perpetual hung-overness (the dizziness, the headache of all headaches, and oh lordy, the crankiness) without the benefit of actually, you know, drinking.

And oh boy, I am SO wishing I had spent a little more time at the gym working on the abs before embarking on this trip, because all of the sudden everyone and their grandma looks thinner than I do.

And even though I know the getting there is a big part of the fun, there are days when I am ready for this particular leg of the journey to just be over.

(No worries, please.  The second trimester will be here soon enough and then I am just SURE I will be back to my lovable self)

Friday, October 16, 2009

People Say the Darndest Things

I have found that once you reach a certain age (ahem), telling people that you are pregnant can elicit all kinds of responses. Such as:

"Huh? We're adopting? Because you said you were too old to give me a baby sister even though I've asked and asked and begged and begged bunches of times." - 7 year old daughter, Sabrina

"Nuh - uh. No way. Really? Is this one of your weird jokes? 'Cause I don't think I believe you." - 9 year old son, Dalton

"Wow. I'm shocked. I mean, I am sure I will be excited later, but for now I am just shocked." - the mother-in-law

"Popping out a kid at almost 40? Niiiice." - brother Matt

"WHAT!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG SHUT UP!!!!!" - sister Sam (via text message)

"Well. I find that just completely irresponsibly brave." - THIS fellow soccer mom

"You know, there are a lot women that would pay big bucks to be in your particular situation." - the nurse at the ob/gyn office

And my personal favorite:

"Really? That's great. Really. It is. Wow. Are you sure? Wow. Man. Really? OK. Cool. Wow. Just wow." - the darling hubby

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Hardee Har Har

We all know that saying, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans."

When I was a junior in college, I found myself treading through a low point in my life and was feeling pretty darn sorry for myself and the choices I had made. I remember feeling stuck and stagnant and like everything and everyone was moving forward too fast and without me. Then one day this epiphany washed over me.

I would join the Peace Corps.

I fell in love with idea of being able to run far, far away from my life and my troubles and to be able to do it in the name of a good cause - something noble. I would run to someplace like Micronesia or Vanuatu and help build schools, plant gardens, or teach children how to sew. In my spare time I would write long letters home to my mother telling her about my exciting adventures and asking her to send me paperback books and construction paper. It was a two year commitment, but I planned to spend a lifetime away from everything that was familiar. I had a plan.

Then, from somewhere deep inside, I heard a giggle.

That Christmas I met the man that changed my life. He was kind and patient and good. He allowed me to just be me and even though I told him I wasn't sticking around, that I would be gone for good within two years, he stayed. I ranted and raved and painted our kitchen the deep blue of ripe blueberries, and he still stayed. When I yelled and accused him of crazy things and set his beloved Jeep on fire, he got upset, but he still stayed.

And when I finally graduated from college, he asked me to marry him. And you know what? I said yes and I stayed. And I am so glad I did.

My husband and I worked hard at building a nice little life. We moved to a small town and spent the next ten years building our family, rejoicing in new friendships, and finding our careers. My husband and I would sit in the evenings with our coffee and speculate on which of the Webber boys our daughter would marry, the neighborhood yards Dalton would mow the summer he turned 10, the rise and fall of the river that ran through town, and when construction on the main road would ever end.

It was a simple life, but it was oh so sweet in it's simplicity. I knew that this would be the place where we would grow old. We would sit on our front porch and watch the ebb and flow of our little town, knowing that we were deeply rooted. And I was happy with that - I wanted to stay.

Then, one night in July, from somewhere deep inside, I heard another giggle. Only this time it was more like a chuckle. Or maybe it was a guffaw.

When my husband was offered the promotion that would move us from Texas to Massachusetts, my immediate reaction was, we can't do that - it's not in the plan! But here we are, a little over a year after our move, and we are so happy. It's true that we miss our friends and family. And it's true that this is a whole new way of life for us. But all in all, we love it here. We have been blessed with wonderful new friends and here lately the house has been full with visits from our family. We have come to appreciate the change in the seasons and the traditions that go along with those changes (Apple picking in the Fall! Sledding in the Winter snow! Gardening in the Spring! The beach in the Summer!). I am glad we came here.

But as life goes on and the seasons change, the body gets older. Last month I went to see my doctor because I was fairly certain that the great change of life was around the corner. I had the classic symptoms of perimenopause. Although facing my age was difficult, I knew that we were done with having children (Dalton is 9 and Sabrina is 7), and this was a new stage of life I would just need to accept. After long discussions with my husband and with my doctor, we came up with a plan. We would try birth control for two years and then re-evaluate. All I needed to do was wait for that magical time of the month to visit so that I could start on the medication.

It wasn't perfect, but it was a plan.

So I waited. And waited. And waited some more. And late at night, while the rest of the house was sleeping, I started hearing that now familiar laughter.

Last week when I went back to the doctor, I wasn't too surprised when she gave me the news - I'm pregnant! At 38, I am venturing once again into the world of diapers and binkies and spit up (as well as slobbery baby kisses, total adoration, and that sweet earthy smell of a new child). We are thrilled that we have been so abundantly blessed and I am thankful that my husband can see the humor in it all.

If God had a Facebook, I am pretty sure his status would be "LOL!!!!"

But isn't that the beauty of life? The unexpected - the crazy stuff we never see coming? Isn't it the the detour from the main road that makes the trip something to write about? Isn't it the surprise that makes this adventure so worth the price?

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Day I Thought Would Never Come ...

Back-To-School Clothes, Socks, Shoes, and Other Things That Won't Fit in 3 Weeks =


    Back-To-School Pencils and Markers and Other Crayola Crap =

    Back-To-School Groceries (Bread, Fruit, Granola Bars, and Enough High Fructose Corn Syrup to Kill an Elephant) =


    Back-To-School "Have a great day at school and now I am going to SO enjoy my 7 blissful hours of peace and quiet without you in the house" =